1. Wake your mother up at 6am and ask her where the wrapping paper is.
2. Measure how much wrapping paper you will need to wrap your gift, then triple that amount. Tear the wrapping paper from the roll. If you don’t tear straight, try tearing another piece of wrapping paper.
3. Barge in on your mom while she’s taking a shower. Yell over the sound of running water that you can’t find the tape. (She won’t be able to understand what you are saying.) Yell a few more things, then tell her to “never mind” (which she also won’t understand.)
4. Locate a stapler. Staple all the edges of the wrapping paper so that your gift will stay securely inside.
5. Leave the stapler on the floor where someone can step on it when they get out of the shower. Do not put away gift wrap. Make sure extra wrapping paper pieces that were too small get left on your mom’s bed, the kitchen floor, the stairs—anywhere but the garbage or recycling bins.
6. You’re finished!